What Keeps Me From God?

I always consider Lent a time to reassess my relationship with God.  It is a time of new beginnings for me.  It is a time when, as the Benedictines say "Always, we begin again."  (However, with the Benedictine Rule, that is a saying that applies to every moment of life.)

Sometimes I feel that I am asking God to forgive me for the same things over and over again.  Sometimes I even decide that I am going to give up and not even ask.  I am sick of myself, and I figure that God must be sick of me too.

Reading this book, The Willpower Instinct, has helped me look at my unwanted ways in a new light.  By understanding how and why my brain says and responds to the statements--"I will," "I won't," and "I want"--I am better able to see how I can control my temptations.

As I mentioned in my last post, listening to an audio book has presented me with a few challenges in itself.  I realize that I am most definitely a visual learner.  Listening is really a challenge to me!

At first, I tried to scribble down a few messy notes while listening and walking on the treadmill.  I soon realized that why I was writing something down, I was missing what was being said next.  My penmanship was also lacking.  (It is hard to write when you are walking.)

I know that I am missing things by choosing to listen to the book in the audio format on the treadmill, but I know that I am not only exercising my body.  I am exercising the audio portion of my brain, which needs some help.  After I finish the book in the audio format, I plan to read it as well.

A Lenten Devotion Using a Non-Religious Audio Book Focussed on Willpower?

For some, this choice for a Lenten devotional might seem very unorthodox and even sac-religious.  There are no bible verses to refer to.  (At least, I have not heard any yet.)  There is not even any mention of God.  (Accept for one mention that some might consider epithetical.)  So, why would I even call it a devotion for a Christian Liturgical Season of the year--namely Lent?

When I started listening to this book, I did not consider it a Lenten devotion even thought I started it yesterday, which was Ash Wednesday.  However, when I read a devotion today that I receive daily via email from the Upper Room, I began to look at the book a bit differently.

The email talked about taking on something vs. giving up something for Lent.  It talked about taking on something that brings restoration and direction in preparation for Easter.  This book was not on the list of suggested options in the email, nor was it even close.  But, it is certainly something that I am taking on that will give my mental and physical health restoration and direction.  If we believe (as I do) that our physical and mental health can definitely affect our spiritual health, the idea of using this book for a Lenten devotional might not seem so far out.

During my yearly physical (the day before Ash Wednesday this year), my doctor mentioned he was listening to in an audio version of the book My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind.  I had heard the author interviewed about the book on NPR a bit ago, but I had forgotten about it.  I was also interested because I had thought about getting a book on tape to motivate me to walk or get on the treadmill.

When I got home, I looked up the book My Age of Anxiety on Amazon and noticed that this other book had quite a few stars.  The title of the other book was: The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It.  It is written by a Stanford professor and he has also offered the contents as a class.  Reading the overview, I decided it was a book I wanted to read or hear, for that matter, so I signed myself up for a free one month trial of Audible and and received my free audio copy of the book.  (You get two free books, so I also downloaded My Age of Anxiety to listen to later.)  It took me a bit to figure out how I could listen to the book, as it did not seem to work on my iPad.  However, it does work on my iPod.

One of the first things I noticed when I started listening to the book is that I have no way to see how much is left of a chapter, which makes it a little lesson in letting go of control.  The other thing that is interesting is walking on the treadmill listening to an audio book that talks things in your body that you are currently experiencing, like exercise for instance.  (Note that the book is about much more than exercise.)

Another interesting thing I found is that I actually stayed on the treadmill longer than I planned because I wanted to hear the whole chapter.  Hmm…I can see it will be an "interesting" journey for me this Lenten Season.  I think God is going to be teaching me in a very different way.